Prayer

Una Canción Nueva: Wedding Day

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In October we remember Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am reading and reflecting on both my experiences and the thoughts of others about domestic violence during this month. This action is important to me as a survivor of domestic violence.

Today is not a day for bad things in my life. Today I start a new song with a new wife. I understand her life is a consensual gift from the Lord. My life is the same gift for her. I may already understand what Job feels when the story in the Bible is complete except my life continues.

I don’t want this blog entry to hurt people who see no hope for a new song. Sometimes this life is unfair and I wish all people to heal in their hearts and souls. Healing is possible.

Dear Lord, You are my God and my Savior. I love it when I see your love. Bless my marriage and all the people who long for the same blessing. All honor, power, and glory be Yours, our God who loves people with broken hearts. Amen

En Octubre recordamos el mes de concientización sobre la violencia doméstica. Estoy leyendo y reflexionando sobre ambas mis experiencias y los pensamientos de otra sobre violencia doméstica durante este mes. Esta acción es importante para mi como un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica.

Hoy no es un dia para malas cosas en mi vida. Hoy empiezo a cantar una nueva canción con una esposa nueva. Le comprendo la vida de ella es un regalo consensuado del Señor. Mi vida es el mismo regalo para ella. Es posible ya entiendo que sentir de Job cuando el cuento en la biblia es completo excepto mi vida continúa.

No quiero esta entrada de mi blog a dolor de las personas que no ven esperanza para una nueva canción. A veces esta vida es injusta y deseo a todas las personas sanar en el corazón y en el alma. Es posible sanar.

Querio Señor, tú eres mi Dios y mi Salvador. Me encanta cuando veo tu amor. Bendice mi matrimonio y a todas las personas que anhelan la misma bendicióon. Todo el hono, el poder, y la gloria sean tuyos, nuestro Dios que amas las personas que tienen corazones rotos. Amén.

Querido Jesús: Santiago 1:17-25

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Durante los dos meses pasados, escribí cartas para la auditoría de la membresía iglesia. No tuve el tiempo para escribí aquellas cartas y este blog.Necesite a escribir las cartas pero acabí con todas cartas jueves.

“No se contenten sólo con escuchar la palabra, pues así se engañan ustedes mismos. Llévenla a la práctica.” Santiago 1:22, NVI

Querido Jesús, a veces en el pasado, yo tuve que eschuchar y responder de tú palabra en tiempos malos que no elegi. Aquellos momentos fueron horribles y malísimos.

Este día es buenísimo y puedo elegir vivir con tu palabra cuando sea fácil. Puedo preparar para dias futuros durante estos momentos. Aunque puedo escucharte y nunca practicar las cosas te dice, a no deseo engañarme con practicos estúpidos. No es bueno cuando escucho sin elegir a practicar.

Me des sabiduría en este día y ayudame a elegir escuchar antes de los días malísimos cuando no podré elegir con sonsideración. Amén.

For the past two months I have been writing letters for the church membership audit. I have not had the time to write those letters and this blog. I needed to write the letters but I finished all the letters Thursday.

“Do not be content with merely hearing the word, for you are deceiving yourselves. Put it into practice” James 1:22, translated from NVI

Dear Jesus, at times in the past, I had to listen to and respond to Your Word in bad times that I did not choose. Those times were horrible and very bad.

This day is a good day and I can choose to live with your word when it is easy. I can prepare for future days during these moments. Even though I can listen to you and never practice the things you say, I don’t want to fool myself with stupid practices. It is not good when I listen without choosing to practice.

Give me wisdom this day and help me choose to listen before the terrible days when I will not be able to choose thoughtfully. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Efesios 1:3-14

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«En él tenemos la redención mediante su sangre, el perdón de nuestros pecados, conforme a las riquezas de tu gracia la cual Dios nos dio en abundancia con toda sabiduría y entendimiento.» Efesios 1:7-8, Nueva Versión Internacional (NVI)

Querido Creador, tus palabras en Salmo 24:10 me hablan: «¿Quién es este Rey de la gloria? Es el Señor de los Ejércitos; ¡él es el Rey de la gloria!”

¡Te sabo que es verdad! Jesucristo es la imagen visible del Dios invisible. En Jesús, tengo esperanza porque las acciones y palabras de Jesús me muestran que esta persona fuiste, eres, y serás el Rey de Gloria. Jesús tuviste viviendo el fé, esperanza, y amor que necesito permanentemente en mi vida. Quiero a vivir como él, con sus fé, esperanza, y amor.

En mi comprensión, toda mi existencia se centra en mi entrañas. Yo se en mi pensamientos que eres el Rey de de Gloria. A veces mis entrañas son perturbadas y pongo mi conianza en otras cosas. Lo siento por aquellos momentos.

Ayudame a persuadir a mi entrañas a confiar como son mejores partes de mis intenciones y mi corazón. Te pregunto estas cosas segun la esperanza de la Espíritu Santo. Amén

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the pardon of our sins, according to the riches of his grace which God has given to us in abundance with all wisdom and understanding” Ephesians 1:7-8, translated from NVI

Dear Creator, your words in Psalm 24:10 speak to me: “Who is this King of glory? He is the Lord of Hosts; he is the King of glory!”

I know it’s true! Jesus Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. In Jesus, I have hope because Jesus’ actions and words show me that this person was, is, and will be the King of Glory. Jesus lived the faith, hope, and love that I need permanently in my life. I want to live like him with his faith, hope, and love.

In my understanding, my entire existence is centered in my gut. I know in my thoughts that you are the King of Glory. I know in my heart that you are King of Glory. Sometimes, my insides are disturbed and I put my trust in other things. I’m sorry for those moments.

Help me persuade my insides to trust the best parts of my intentions and my heart. I ask you these things according to the hope of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Salmo 24

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«Quien es así recibe bendiciones del Señor; el Dios de su salvación le hará justicia. Tal es la generación de los que a ti acuden, de los que buscan tu rostro, oh Dios de Jacob» Salmo 24:5-6, Nuevo Versión Internacional (NVI)

Querido Jesús, deseo que mis manos siempre limpiaron y mi corazón siempre pero. Ayer hablábamos de mi vida, mis niños, y mi ex esposa. Anoche miré por el amanecer de la mañana y por la esperanza de tu misericordia. Hoy no sé cual es mi camino. Cuando las personas egocéntricas están luchando conmigo, deseo obtener tu paz con todo mi corazón.

Quería verte en los días pasados. Quería  verte, me Redemptor, cuando estuve sufriendo de patadas a mis tripas ¿Dónde estuiviste cuando necesituve ayudarme?

Quiero confiar en tus palabras en Salmo 24. Quiero estar confiando. A veces, no te comprendo. A veces, mi esperanza y mi duda luchamos dentro de mi. Quiero verte porque «soy un hombre de labios impuros y vivo en medio de un pueblo de labios impuros». (Isaías 6:6) Quiero tú ayudame porque mis pensamientos susurran que la charla es barata y me dices nunca tus palabras son baratas.

Esta es una plegaria longa en Español para mi. Estoy complicado y está plegaria es muy complicada. Quiero hablar claramente contigo de estas cosas, pero mis pensamientos se están confundiendo y son difíciles. No logro quedarme en silencio porque tengo responsabilidades pastoral al hablar de estas cosas para romper en silencio. Cuando otras ven mis palabras deseo dar valentía a ellos. Dividas mis palabras en esta plegaraia y ayudame a tener la misma valentía de que les ofrezco otras. Amén

“Whoever is like this receives blessings from the Lord; the God of their salvation will give them justice. Such is the generation of those who come to you, of those who seek your face, O God of Jacob.” Psalm 24:5-6, translated from NVI

Dear Jesus, I wish that my hands were always clean and my heart always clean. Yesterday we were talking about my life, my children, and my ex-wife. Last night I looked for the morning dawn and for the hope of your mercy. Today I don’t know what my path is. When self-centered people are fighting with me, I wish to obtain your peace with all my heart.

I wanted to see you in the past days. I wanted to see you, my Redeemer, when I was suffering from kicks to my guts. Where were you when I needed help?

I want to trust in your words in Psalm 24. I want to be trusting. Sometimes, I don’t understand you. Sometimes my hope and my doubt fight inside me. I want to see you because “I am a man of impure lips and I live in the middle of a town of impure lips.” (Isaiah 6:5) I want you to help me because my thoughts whisper that talk is cheap and you tell me your words are never cheap.

This is a long prayer in Spanish for me. I am complicated and this prayer is very complicated. I want to talk clearly to you about these things, but my thoughts are getting confused and difficult. I can’t stay silent because I have pastoral responsibilities to talk about these things to break the silence. When others see my words I want to give them courage. Divide my words in this prayer and help me to have the same courage that I offer others. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Marcos 5:21-43

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«No tengas miedo; nada más cree» Macros 5:36, NVI

Querido Jesús, te quiero decir cuanto te escucho, pero tengo miedo en mi vida. Yo creo cosas otras; a veces contra mi deseos. Me deseo ir rumbo a la perfección, pero a menudo no progreso. Tu hablaste pero a menudo yo no comprendí y todavía no comprendo.

¿Cuanto tiempo más tengo que esperar a comprender? ¿Cuando el el momento de mi comprensión? Te amo pero mi acción no es graciosa para mi. Me amas pero a veces no me amo porque a menudo no hago el bien que quiero. Estoy muy frustrado conmigo.

A veces me pregunto de qué color fue tu manto. ¿Pude tocar tu manto? ¿En ese momento, pude comprender las cosas que no comprendo? ¿Soy la mujer enferma o la niña que está murienda? ¿Soy son ambas personas?

O estoy equivocada y soy la persona que tú mandas a las que te amas. Tú mandas unda persona que comprende que esta vida es difícil. Tú mandas a ir una persona que comprende que a menudo este mundo no es bello o bueno para todas las personas. Les amas y invatame a les amo.

Últimaente, es posible que ambos sean posibles. Les amas y me amas. Yo no comprendo pero es posiblemente que no es necesario para mi saber. Te amo y quiero progresar a la perfección en tu amor. Gracias para escuchas me. Amén

“Do not be afraid; believe nothing else.” Marcos 5:36, translated from NVI

Dear Jesus, I want to tell you how much I listen to you, but I have fear in my life. I believe other things; sometimes against my wishes. I want to be on the path to perfection, but I often don’t make progress. You spoke but often I did not understand and I still do not understand.

How much longer do I have to wait to understand? When is the time for my understanding? I love you but my action is not funny to me. You love me but sometimes I don’t love myself because I often don’t do the good I want. I’m very frustrated with myself.

Sometimes, I wonder what color your cloak was. Could I touch your cloak? At that moment, could I understand the things I don’t understand? Am I the sick woman or the dying girl? Am I both persons?

Or I’m wrong and I’m the person you send to those you love. You send a person who understands that this life is difficult. You send a person who understands that often this world is not beautiful or good for all people. You love them and invite me to love them.

Ultimately, both may be possible. You love them and you love me. I don’t understand, but it is possibly not necessary for me to know. I love you and I want to progress to perfection in your love. Thanks for listening to me. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Salmo 130

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«Escucha, Señor, mi voz. Estén atentos tus oídos a mi voz suplicante  Si tú, Señor, tomaras en cuenta los pecados, ¿quién, Señor, se mantendría en pie? Pero en ti se hallas perdón y por eso debes ser temido.» Salmo 130:2-4, Nueva Versión Internacional (NVI)

Querido Señor, tú me deimiste a mis pecados y me ayudaste cuando no era posible para me ayudí. Tu dio a tu Hijo Unico para que me salvo de mis pecados y mis faltas. Tú me dio a mí tu Espíritu Santo para que me no caminí solo. Tú me dio y me doy muchas cosas buenas porque tú me amas.

En este momento cuando estoy enfermo con la enfermedad de la pandemia de años pasados, escuchame cuando te lo pregunto a ayudame con mi cuerpo. Libres mis canales de orjeas cuando tengo demasiados mocos. Aflojame mis músculos cuando mi cuerpo tiene dolor. Ayudame, mi Héroe. Amén.

“You hear my voice, Lord. Let your ears be attentive to my pleading voice. Lord, if you would take sins into account, who would stand Lord? In you is found forgiveness and you should be feared.” Psalm 130: 2-4, translated from NVI

Dear Lord, you redeemed me from my sins and helped me when it was not possible to help myself. You gave your Only Son to save me from my sins and my faults. You gave me your Holy Spirit, so that I would not walk alone. You gave me and you give me many good things because you love me.

At this moment, when I am sick with the pandemic illness of past years, listen to me when I ask you to help me with my body. Free my ear canals when I have too much snot. Loosen my muscles when my body is in pain. Help me, my Hero. Amen.

Querido Jesús: 2 Corintios 8:7-15

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«Ya conocen la gracia de nuestro Señor Jesucristo, quien era rico y por causa de ustedes se hizo pobre, para que mediante su pobreza ustedes llegaran a ser ricos» 2 Corintios 8:9, NVI

Querido Jesús, ya conoces mi espíritu a veces es pobre y débil. Quiero ser rico en gracia y fe, pero mis pies caminí en fango y aguas residuale ayer. Estoy derramando cosas sucias sobre los sitios a donde ya me limpiaste.

Las personas que frustaron mi pensamiento y sueñas no son las personas que deciden mis acciones hoy. Como los Corintios en el pasado, necesito hacer lo que necesito hacer. Soy responsable de mi vida y necesito decidir adonde seré caminar. Como los Corintios en el pasado, a veces no me gustan mis vecinos especialmente cuando me molestan y me mienten. Especialmente cuando estoy enojado, necesito decidir mis acciones cuidadoso y vivir con tu amor.

Sin ti, no es fácil vivir con integridad. Con ti, no es muy facil pero es posible. Tu yugo es ligero pero la reja del arado es densa y pesada. Ayudame como lo ayudaste los Corintios en el pasado. En tu nombre robusto, mi Salvador y mi Redentor. Amén

“You already know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, who was rich and for your sakes. He became poor and through that poverty, you became rich.” 2 Corinthians 8:9, translated from NVI

Dear Jesus, you already know my spirit is sometimes poor and weak. I want to be rich in grace and faith, but my feet walked in mud and sewage yesterday. I am spilling dirty things on the places where you already cleaned me.

The people who frustrated my thinking and dreams are not the people who decide my actions today. Like the Corinthians of old, I need to do what I need to do. I am responsible for my life and I need to decide where I will walk. Like the Corinthians in the past, sometimes I don’t like my neighbors, especially when they bother me and lie to me. Especially when I am angry, I need to decide my actions carefully and live with your love.

Without you, it is not easy to live with integrity. With you, it is not very easy, but it is possible. Your yoke is light, but the plowshare is dense and heavy. Help me as you helped the Corinthians in the past. In your mighty name, my Savior and my Redeemer. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Marcos 4:35-41

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«¿Por qué tienen tanto mideo?–dijo a sus discípulos–, ¿Todavía no tienen fe?» Marcos 4:40, Nueva Versión Internacional

Querido Jesús, me preguntas “¿Por qué tienen tanto mideo?” Tengo reir cuando te pienso de tus palabras. Esta vida tiene tantas razones a collecionar miedos especialmente cuando no te veo tu amor fiel. Es fácil a quedarme perdido en mis miedos, pero me preguntas a pienso a tus palabras sobre mi fe.

Tu pregunta es una pregunta muy buena. ¿Dónde está mi ef? Ayer fue un buen día pero yo no sé qué será mañana. Hoy es una día cuando me pregunto de la fuerte de mii fe, pero mñana es misteriosa y no soy un profeta que conozco todas las cosas allá.

Cuando viví con fe en el pasado tuve felicidad. Quiero vivir con felicidad y gozo en estos días. Yo quiero caminar todas la vias en mi vida contigo.

Ayudame y guárdame mi vida de mis dudas. Tu sabes que estoy pensando y que estoy haciendo. Tu sabes dónde estoy caminando y cuando estoy hundimiento en mis dudas. Gracias a ti, mi Dios, estoy viviendo. Amén.

” ‘Why do y’all have so much fear?’ Jesus said to his disciples. ‘You still don’t have faith?’ ” Translated from NVI

Dear Jesus, you ask me, “Why are you so afraid?” I laugh when I think of your words. This life has so may reasons to collect fears, especially when I don’t see your faithful love. It’s easy to stay lost in my fears, but you ask me to think about your words about my faith.

Your question is a very good question. Where is my faith? Yesterday was a good day but I don’t know what tomorrow will be. Today is a day when I wonder about the strength of my faith, but tomorrow is mysterious and I am not a prophet who knows all things there.

When I lived with faith in the past, I had happiness. I want to live with happiness and joy in these days. I want to walk all the paths in my life with you.

Help me and save my life from my doubts. You know what I’m thinking and what I’m doing. You know where I’m walking and when I’m sinking in my doubts. Thanks to you, my God, I am living. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Salmo 9:9-20

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«Al Señor se le conoce porque imparte justicia; el malvado cae en la trampa que él mismo tendió» Salmo 9:16, NVI

Querido Jesús, ¿Cuál es tu discernimiento de mi? Cuando tú caminas en este mundo, tu traes justicia contigo. ¿Te traes justicia para mi o contra mi? Estoy haciendo lo mejor que puedo con mi vida pero soy un humano normal. ¿Que traes para mi?

Estoy esperanzando que tú traes cosas mejor de que merezco. No me conozco adónde obtengo esta esperanza, pero tengo esperanza de que me amas y quieres mejores cosas para mi acá en esta vida. Merezco nada en mis ojos, pero te escucho tus canciones de amor y gracia. ¿Quién puede decir alguna cosa contra tus palabras de amor y gracia?

Si, que verdad. San Pablo escribi: «Pues estoy convencido de que no la muerte no la vida, no los ángeles ni los demonios, no lo presente no lo por venir, no los poderes, no lo alto ni lo profundo, no cosa alguna en toda la creación podrá apartarnos del amor que Dios nos ha manifestado en Cristo Jesús nuestro Señor».

Si, es verdad y estoy en esta Creación. No puedo apartarme del poder del Espíritu Santo. No merezco que me amas pero es verdad. Gloria a Dios. Hallelujah. Amén.

“The Lord is known because he dispenses justice; the evil one falls into the trap that he himself set.” Psalm 9:16, translated from NVI

Dear Jesus, what is your discernment of me? When you walk in this world, you bring justice with you. Do you bring justice for me or against me? I’m doing the best I can with my life, but I’m a normal human. What do you bring for me?

I’m hoping that you bring better things than I deserve. I don’t know where I get this hope, but I have hope that you love me and want better things for me here in this life. I deserve nothing in my eyes, but I hear your songs of love and grace. Who can say anything against your words of love and grace?

Yes, how true. As Saint Paul wrote: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything in all creation will be able to separate us from the love that God has shown us in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Yes, it is true and I am in this Creation. I cannot depart from the power of the Holy Spirit. I don’t deserve that you love me but its true. Glory to God. Hallelujah. Amen

Querido Jesús: 1 Samuel 17:32-49

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《Dios guardará tus entradas y salidas desde ahora y para siempre.》 Salmo 125:8 en El Libro de Oración Común (Protestant, Episcopal Church, 2022)

Querido Jesús, las batallas en mi vida no son mis batallas. Mis manos pueden golpear las personas que me atacan, pero  no necesito responder con violencia. Las batallas en mi vida son para el Señor.

Yo recuerdo tus palabras para nuestras vidas en mi biblia:《esos confían en sus carros de guerra, aquellos confían en sus corceles, pero nosotros confiamos en el nombre del Señor nuestro dios.》

Yo recuerdo la verdad en mi vida que no neceisto responderle a personas rotas con violencia o furiosa. Las batallas en mi vida son del Señor y para el Señor. Puedo responderle a las personas y problemas con fuerte confío en el Nombre del Señor nuestro dios. Jesuscristo, no  necesariamente me necesito a responder cuando te puedes.

Jesucristo, tus palabras son basta para las situaciones en mi vida. Tu proteges mis entradas y salidas desde las batallas espantosas ahora y mañana y siempre. Amén

God will guard your comings and goings from now on and forever.” Psalm 125:8, Translated from “El Libro de Oración Común”

Dear Jesus, the battles in my life are not my battles. My hands can hit people who attack me, but I don’t need to respond with violence. The battles in my life are for the Lord.

I remember your words for our lives in my Bible: “Some trust in their chariots, some others trust in their warhorses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”

I remember the truth in my life that I do not need to respond to broken people with violence or fury. The battles in my life are from the Lord and for the Lord. I can respond to people and problems with strong trust in the name of the Lord God. Jesus Christ, I don’t necessarily need to respond when you can.

Jesus Christ, your words are enough for the situations in my life. You protect my comings and goings from the dreadful battles now, tomorrow, and forever. Amen.

Querido Jesús: 2 Corintios 5:6-10, 14-17

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«Por lo tanto, si alguno está en Cristo, es una nueva creación. ¡Lo viejo ha pasado, ha llegado ya lo nuevo!» 2 Corintios 5:17, NVI

Padre Celestial, mi vida vieja ha pasado y estoy trabajando para saber cómo ya será vida nueva. Yo Quiero tener tu Palabra adentro de mi vida. Yo puedo a sostener tu verdad y promesas cerca de mi porque tú ayudame y amame.

Todo lo que es viejo y roto en mi cuerpo celestial ya quedó recreado con tu amor, pero mi vida en este mundo aún necesito trabajo. Mi Salvador, cuando tropiezo, estoy embarazoso con mis faltas y mis problemas. Por favor, ayudame.

Ayudame a saber esta verdad: vivimos en fe y esperanza, no por vista o por miedo. Estoy segura tu escúchame cuando estoy asustado. Tu comprendes las cosas de que mi pienso en esos momentos y ya siempre amame. Gracias Jesucristo. Te amo y tu amame. Amén

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation. The old has gone: it has become new!” 2 Corinthians 5:17, Translated from NVI

Heavenly Father, my old life has passed and I am working to know what the new life will be like. I want to have your Word inside my life. I can hold your truth and promises close to me because you help me and love me.

Everything that is old and broken in my heavenly body has already been recreated with your love, but my life in this world still needs work. My Savior, when I stumble, I am embarrassed with my faults and my problems. Please, help me.

Help me know this truth: we live in faith and hope, not by sight or fear. I’m sure you listen to me when I’m scared. You understand the things that I think about in those moments and you always love me. Thank you Jesus Christ. I love you and you love me. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Marcos 4:26-29

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«Sin que éste sepa cómo, y ya sea que duerma o esté despierto, día y noche brota y crece la semilla.» Marcos 4:27, NVI

Quérido Jesús, sin que sabo, mi vida ya brota y crece. No sé cómo o porque mi vida es importante, pero es importante para ti, Yo no comprendo tu amor para mi. Tu me planta en tu jardín y deséame a crecer.

No todos del mundo me amas. Algunos dicen: «Él es el peor del mundo. Quisiéramos tomar la Agua Vida desde él.» No quiero tener sed. Por favor, no escuchas a las personas per amame con mis faltas. Tienes amor por aquellas personas que dicen aquellas cosas. Enseñame a amar aquellas personas también.

Tenemos que vivir juntos en tu mundo. Enseñarnos a vivir con amor por nuestros vecinos. Plantanos, brotanos, y crecenos hasta que estamos maduro. En tu nombre magnifico. Amén.

“Without knowing how it happens, as they sleep and as they rise, day and night, the seed buds and grows.” Mark 4:27, translated from NVI

Dear Jesus, without me knowing, my life is already sprouting and growing. I don’t know how or why my life is important to you, but it is important to you. I don’t understand your love for me. You plant me in your garden and wish me to grow.

Not everyone in the world loves me. Some say: “He is the worst in the world. We would like to take the Water of Life from him.” I don’t want to be thirsty. Please don’t listen to those people, but love me with my faults. You have love for those people who say those things. Teach me to love those people too.

We have to live together in your world. Teach us to live with love for our neighbors. Plant us, sprout us, and grow us until we are ripe. In your magnificent name. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Ezequiel 17:22-24

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«Al árbol verde lo seco y al seco, lo hago florecer.» Ezequiel 17:24, NVI

Querido Creador, quiero vivir este día en paz, pero estoy secando en el sol de esta vida. Mis pies sienten que la tierra es seca y quiero tu lluvia. Hace calor. Ayudame, Agua Viva.

Salvador, me enseñas. Cuando tengo sed, ayúdame a beber agua buena. Cuando tengo sed, enseñame el Rio de tus Benediciones. Cuando estas me plantando  en más altas, regálame el Agua de tu Amor.

Tengo sed de ti y tu amor. Gracias, Creador, para mi esperanza que descansa en mi vida contigo. Cuando las brisas y tormentas están cerca de mi, ayúdame a tener fe en tu amor y fuerte manos tan yo puedo confiar a ti y beber la lluvia. Amén

“I’ll dry out the green tree and the parched one I will bring to blossom” Ezekiel 17:24, translated from NVI

Dear Creator, I want to live this day in peace, but I am drying in the sun of this life. My feet feel that the earth is dry and I want your rain. It’s hot. Help me, Living Water.

Savior, teach me. When I am thirsty, help me drink good water. When I am thirsty, show me the River of your Blessings. When you are planting me on higher ground, give me the Water of your Love.

I thirst for you and your love. Thank you, Creator, for my hope that rests in my life with you. When the breezes and storms are near me, help me to have faith in your love and strong hands so I can trust and drink the rain. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Salmos 51 y Romanos 6:1-14

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«Crea en mí, oh Dios, un corazón limpio y renueva un espíritu firme dentro de mi. No me alejas de tu presencia ni me quites tu Santo Espíritu» Salmos 51:10-11, NVI

Querido Jesús, no estoy bajo la Ley. No estamos bajo la Ley porque tú Espíritu  Santo nos lleva bajo la gracia. En  cuanto a nos vida, vivimos para Dios con humilidad. Tenemos que vivir con la fe, la esperanza, y el amor, pero no tenemos que vivir con miedos de muerte

Podemos a vivir con miedos de muerte. Es fácil a vivir con miedos de muchas cosas que no controlamos. No necesitamos a vivir con los pecados fáciles y normalment de esta vida por qué tenemos tu Espíritu Santo.`

Gracias por tu amor, nuestro Creador y Vida. Regalanos tu bendiciones y purificanos. Amén

“Create in me, O God, a clean heart and renew a stable spirit inside of me. Do not alienate me from your presence nor remove your Holy Spirit.” Psalm 51:10-11, translated from NVI

Dear Jesus, I’m not under the Law. We are not under the Law because your Holy Spirit brings us under grace. As for our lives, we live for God with humility. We have to live with faith, hope, and love, but we don’t have to live in fear of death.

We can live in fear of death. It is easy to live with fears of the many things that we do not control. We do not need to live with the easy and normal sins of this life because we have your Holy Spirit.

Thank you for your love, our Creator and Life. Give us your blessings and purify us. Amen.

Querido Jesús: Salmos 51 y Efesios 2

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«Abre, Señor, mis labíos, y mi boca proclamará tu alabanza» (Salmos 51:15, NVI)

Querido Jesús, somos creados para buenas obras en tu gran amor. Tu crea en mi un corazón limpio, pero no sé cuál dirección a ir en mi vida. Quisiera a vivir con un espíritu limpio y bueno. Cuando deseo para cosas malo, purificame Cristo.

Tu eres mi esperanza y mi salvación. Cristo, conforme a tu gran amor, mi vida es importante. Abre mi corazón y limpiame con su gran amor. Gracias, mi Creador. Amén

“Open, God, my lips, and my mouth will proclaim your praise.” Psalm 51:15, translated from NVI

Dear Jesus, we are created for good works in your great love. You create a clean heart in me, but I don’t know which direction to go in my life. I would like to live with a clean and good spirit. When I desire bad things, purify me Christ.

You are my hope and my salvation. Christ, according to your great love, my life is important. Open my heart and cleanse me with your great love. Thank you, my Creator. Amen

Normalizing Storms

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“Every week during worship, people at Church of the Resurrection turn in prayer request cards. We receive well over one hundred of them in a typical week. One might be from a woman whose daughter is struggling with depression. Another might be from someone whose spouse just left them. Yet another might involve someone who is fighting an addiction to drugs, alcohol, or pornography. Some are from people who recently lost their jobs. Others come from those who lost loved ones. All of these people are in the midst of storms in their lives. Some have been tossed about by the waves for months and are holding on with white knuckles for dear life. For others, the storm just blew in last week. For most, it’s a frightening experience.”

Rev. Adam Hamilton, “Simon Peter: Flawed but Faithful Disciple”

The prayers of the people can be a complicated thing to handle as a pastor. Long ago, a lot of churches stood up and shared their prayer concerns. It was wonderful. As time passed, we began to recognize the difficulties that come with differing abilities to hear, so microphones were passed. Few people realize just how strange things can get when you hand out a microphone to individuals who may or may not have every intention of doing the right thing as they lift up a concern for someone else. Usually, it is harmless. Sometimes it can be incredibly harmful.

As a minister, I have to admit that I take safety and welcome seriously as I lead the congregation I have been sent to serve. I want people to feel free to lift up prayers to God and live with the assurance that God sees the prayers that are within the hearts of each person in the room. Also, I have served places where public shame has led to people ending their lives because they could not bear the shame of something that happened to them.

I have a piece of pottery on my kitchen counter that holds all of the utensils I use to cook like wooden spoons, spatulas, and even scoops for soup. I received it at a fundraiser for the local school next to the town where I served. We went to support a teenager we knew through the local summer camp who organized the drive. When we heard about the events that caused her to feel such shame that it led to her death, I was heartbroken. Sometimes I understand the idea of total depravity too well.

The last thing I want is for prayer concerns to cause someone to be shamed into silence or isolation. Yes, it has happened over the years. Yes, especially in the political climate of the past few years, I have seen prayer requests lifted up as an attempt to call the faithful to political action for one candidate or another, but often one in particular. I want my church to neither non-consensually shame people from a microphone nor to use the church as a place for a political rally. When people think that God wants them to support a particular candidate in church and to invite others to do likewise, it can really disrupt things. Communities are torn apart over such prayer requests.

At the same time, Rev. Hamilton’s experience of seeing the need for love and support is not unique. Ministers see people on the seas of life like Simon Peter and the other disciples on a regular basis. Sometimes the squalls last five minutes and sometimes they seem to last forever. Life can be truly frightening for many of us, including ministers. We may not pray for each person by name every week of the year in church, but I know as a minister that I do remember the people we love in our thoughts and in our prayers on a regular basis on both Sunday mornings and throughout the week.

Our church is offering a short-term Bible study for the season of Lent. While many studies for the season traditionally focus on spiritual practices or on the stories of holy week, this year we are reading “Simon Peter: Flawed but Faithful Disciple” by Rev. Adam Hamilton. The idea of the study is that we might consider how we follow Christ in our lives while considering the life of this flawed follower. These blog posts are designed with a principle I have learned from recovery work: “We identify with the stories of others and try not to contrast.” We grow more and live with greater serenity when we look for what we share in common with someone with whom we might otherwise disagree.

Grief and Pain

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A couple of hours ago I made a mistake through my own stupid arrogance. Okay, it wasn’t that bad, I said something stupid to the neighboring minister when stopping by her office. I said, “I feel like the end of Advent is going to be quiet. I feel like I have paid my dues with Advent drama.” I didn’t knock on wood.

Two hours later I am on the phone with the doctor’s office for my children. One child is sick and the other has a head injury. I have been trying to get information through a phone call for days. I was told repeatedly that their mother wouldn’t tell me the information because I could get it from the doctor, The doctor let me know that they’ve never been given permission to share anything with me. Shared custody or not, there’s no medical information for Dad. All I know is that my eldest has a head injury and that my middle child needs medication to breathe more fully.

Why would I need to know more than that? Isn’t that enough for me to make medical decisions? When will there be medical decisions where I actually get to make a choice or even remain informed if even head trauma isn’t enough to qualify? I should have knocked on wood. More accurately, I should have assumed the worst earlier. You would think I would have learned by now.

I have been thinking about the pain this afternoon. Even as I prepare for the Longest Night Service on Thursday, I find myself coming back to the pain within. I was ready for a drama-free Christmas. I was neither wishing ill nor inviting the Krampus to visit my former partner. I was accepting of the fact that life simply means neither seeing my eldest this season nor seeing my kids on Christmas morning. I was even accepting of the fact that buying Christmas presents for them feels more and more like buying gifts for strangers. It hurt, but it was numb. Suddenly it is as if the bandages are torn away and my soul is bleeding again. I thought about it and turned back to a book I have been reading on and off again for a few years now.

“Following the initial numbing shock of disbelief in the immediate experience of loss, pain presses itself into our souls and bodies. It is sometimes more than we think we can bear. We seek ways to anesthetize ourselves. It hurts too much to allow that gaping hole in our gut to bleed unstaunched. We want to feel anything other than that pain. We want to fill the empty hole within with something—alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep, work, easy love, TV. We are vulnerable to anyone who will offer us a moment’s respite from that unspeakable gap within our soul…

Eventually though, we begin to feel again and the pain sets in. The pain reminds us we are still alive and in need of healing. It will come and go, visiting us when we least expect it. When you can feel the pain of sadness and loneliness, know that this signals that you are growing stronger. When we are not strong, the body numbs us and we don’t feel. If we feel the pain, we are gaining strength. Pain reminds us that something significant has happened. It reminds us that to be human is to feel. Only when we can feel the deep sadness of the loss can we ever hope to feel the deep joy of new life. Feeling is central to the ability to experience the fullness of life as it is being lived.”

Dan Moseley, “Lose, Love, Live: The Spiritual GIfts of Loss and Change,” pg 41

I am really hurting today and I understand, in part, what Moseley is saying here. If I couldn’t handle the pain, then my body, soul, and spirit would surely know enough to anesthetize the wound. Even if it couldn’t heal from the wounds in the past, my soul has become very good at cauterizing internal pain through things like exercise, poetry, eating, music, and even focusing my thoughts on the pain of occasional hunger. When you have no other way to advocate for yourself and when even your attorney has gone on vacation, what choice can there be here?

I get that it hurts and I wish that it wouldn’t hurt. I wish there was something I could do to make the pain go away, but there’s no really good answer other than to embrace the pain. If there’s one thing my former partner has given me, it is the gift of pain. I can hide away from it, or I can accept the simple things it teaches me.

  • I’m alive to feel this pain
  • I’m strong enough to experience this without going into shock
  • I’m alive enough to make choices to reach out to people who care about me
  • I’m alive enough to think about things like the meaning of pain, the lack of justice, and even anticipate the Advent of Christ to stand as the only just and righteous judge who can unfailingly stand in final judgment over situations like this one.
  • I’m alive enough to pray and seek after the Spirit even as the world denies hypothetical rights and shatters the hope of people who have already been broken by injustice

I’m reading Lamentations 5 in worship this Thursday. Lord, I feel it…

“15Joy has left our heart; our dancing has changed into lamentation. 16The crown has fallen off our head. We are doomed because we have sinned. 17Because of all this our heart is sick; because of these things our glance is dark. 18Mount Zion, now deserted– only jackals walk on it now! 19But you, LORD, will rule forever; your throne lasts from one generation to the next. 20Why do you forget us continually; why do you abandon us for such a long time? 21Return us, LORD, to yourself. Please let us return! Give us new days, like those long ago– 22unless you have completely rejected us, or have become too angry with us.”

Lamentations 5:15-22, Common English Bible (CEB)

A Prayer Shared on the Anniversary of My Mother’s Death

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Thou goest home this night to thy home of winter,
To thy home of autumn, of spring, and of summer;
Thou goest home this night to thy perpetual home,
To thine eternal bed, to thine eternal slumber.

Sleep thou, sleep, and away with thy sorrow, . . .
Sleep this night in the breast of thy Mother,
Sleep, thou beloved, while she herself soothes thee, . . .
Sleep, thou beloved, while she herself kisses thee.

The great sleep of Jesus, the surpassing sleep of Jesus,
The sleep of Jesus’ wound, the sleep of Jesus’ grief,
The young sleep of Jesus, the restoring sleep of Jesus,
The sleep of the kiss of Jesus of peace and of glory. . . .

Sleep, O sleep in the calm of all calm,
Sleep, O sleep in the guidance of guidance,
Sleep, O sleep in the love of all loves, . . .
Sleep, O beloved, in the God of life.

Michael Carmichael, Carmina Gaedelica, 312-313

Longest Night Service: Prayer Poem

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Innkeeper, street vendor, wool weaver: all sleeping.
Traveler, road watcher, bread baker: all dreaming.
Carpenter, brick layer, clay potter: all dozing.
Cold shepherd, star gazer, wise midwife: wide awake.

Young soldier, wise rabbi, landowner: all abed.
Census staff, messengers, young children: all snoring.
Important, powerful, the “normal”: they miss it.
The outcast, the restless, the strange ones: they hear first.

Heartbroken, discarded, pushed away: still awake.
Broken souls, groaning ones, frightened folk: open eyes.
Mourning lives, empty chairs, lonely ones: let them see
Christmas comes first for those who need the hope’s light most.

No tinsel, no label, no price tag: love comes down.
For the lost, for the sad, for the hurt: love comes down.
Through the tears, through the dark, through the grief: love comes down.
Emmanuel, Prince of peace, Savior: Love and Light,
Meet us here where we wait, wide awake and in need.

Rev. Robert Dean, Composed December 15, 2022; First Shared at Trumansburg UMC’s Blue Christmas Service December 21, 2022;
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A Poem born from Lamentations

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The other day I shared a blessing from the United Methodist Book of Worship “For a Victim or Survivor of Crime or Oppression.” Since that day I have been working toward raising awareness by writing poetry based on the suggested poetry found in that blessing.

Today I wrote a poem based on Lamentations 3:1-24, which can be found in the Common English Bible through this hyperlink. As I pondered the reading, it seemed pretty dark at first. I was wondering what the compilers of the Book of Worship were thinking until I came across the shift from verses 19-24, which I found startling and incredibly powerful.

Verse 19 compares the feelings of homelessness and affliction to being poisoned to the brim with bitterness. I understood those feelings as I consider my past. I remember more than the feelings that came about in the first days after I filed for divorce. I remembered tears from a broken heart behind closed doors, sodden pillowcases, and the bitter feeling of knowing that promises made at the altar meant nothing. The shame, the guilt, the uselessness, and futility still come to mind easily even after time has begun to heal my wounds.

After all of this comes to mind, does Jeremiah give up hope? No, instead the very pain in Jeremiah’s soul transforms from a place of broken doubt to a place of stubborn waiting. The grief and loss do not translate into a faithless existence but into a spirit that will steadfastly wait for God to act. This! This is a feeling I know! “Waking” after sleepless nights, pulling on my boots, and stepping into my role as a minister with all of the confidence I could despite my own sorrow. This I know!

Helping church members say goodbye to loved ones with the compassion that comes from knowing what it is like to come home to an empty home! That was an act of faithful waiting! Sharing communion with people with the understanding that comes from knowing what it means to share a “meal” with others when you eat alone the rest of the week. That was an act of faithful waiting! Listening to the troubles of others knowing what it is like to have nobody at home to listen to my struggles. That was an act of faithful waiting!

Even now, I wait. The poem I wrote is as much a prayer for God to act as it is a piece of poetry inspired by this passage. I hope it is helpful and brings to mind the reality that brokenness does not mean that healing is beyond you.

"Homeless and poisoned in my inmost soul"
I ponder the broken and sleepless nights.
Endless tears fell into fathomless hole
as I thought of all of my stolen rights.

Future empty and present in shambles,
hopeful words called out from the ancient past
before wounds left me with frothing rambles:
that place where only ashes seem to last.

I remember the hope flickering faint.
I beheld the light that would not go out.
Even shattered, the call to be a saint,
not of perfect life, but one lived through doubt.

I remember and still I sit and wait
for the Just One to come bearing our fate.

October has been Domestic Violence Awareness month since it was first introduced by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence in 1981. Regardless of the month, domestic violence is never okay, no matter the circumstances. If you or someone you know is in desperate need of help, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

A Prayer for the Brokenhearted and Upset

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Written after a vote for the disaffiliation of several churches from the Upper New York Annual Conference. Several people, including me, are upset and hurting. People are having sleepless nights over the question of whether or not our liabilities will outweigh our assets after paying settlements under the Child Victim Act out of our reserves while these churches walk away from the settlement we made together as a community. Will we have enough to pay for pensions both for those who remain and for those who serve the new denomination in retirement? Individuals feel harmed, wounded, and are in pain.

What do we do in these moments? What do we do when we are upset or angry? What do we do when we raise our voice and still end up watching as others walk away despite our concerns? On my end, I acknowledge my pain, acknowledge where it hurts, acknowledge what I desire, and ask God to help. This descending syllabic poem (a nonet) comes from that place:

Broken hearted people ache within
as our life together shatters.
We once lived in communion.
For those who are angry
and those who are hurt;
mercy hungry,
seeking hope,
pour forth
love.

“Pray” and True Wealth

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Throughout the readings from our devotional for this week there is an exploration of wealth. What does it mean to be truly wealthy? For Jesus there was a difference between having things and being truly wealthy. One could reasonably argue that a woman who has two coins that she can afford to give to God should be seen as being richer than a person with a wallet bursting at the seams while struggling to let go of the tiniest sliver of their fortune.

The #RethinkChurch Lenten Photo-A-Day prompt is the word “Pray.” In selecting a photo for today, I pondered through a great number of photos. In the end, I selected a beautiful flower standing out from the green leaves.

The flower blossom is quite beautiful. The stamen of the flower are outstanding in beauty and quite literally standing out like yellow hands that are waiting to shake an insect’s hand. The purple petals are an inviting shade that contrasts nicely with the green leaves and stems that surround them. If I had to choose what part of this plant to be, it seems like it would be lovely to be this blossom. You could say it seems like it would be a rich experience to be so bold, beautiful, and vibrant.

At the same time, true wealth might rest in being grateful to be whatever part of the flower you might be in this life. You might not wish to be a green leaf or a tough stem, but what an amazing gift it might be to experience the joy of being green or woody.

Many people spend their lives wishing that they were someone else, own something else, or have more of what they already have in this life. People scrabble, hoard, and envy the people around them in lives marked with competition, jealousy, and striving.

What would it look like if we prayed less about having more and prayed more about being grateful? What would it look like if we prayed to have what we need and were grateful for those blessings? What would it look like if we prayed less about having riches and prayed more from a place of gratitude for what we have in this life?

I may never be a vibrant purple flower, but I might be an amazing woody stem. If I can find the richness of having a gruff exterior with a tough hide, then I will be truly wealthy even without the yellow highlights.

“Celebrate” and Quiet Prayers

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There is a question repeated several times with several different phrasings throughout the reading from our devotional for today: “What is in the closet of your heart today?”

The phrase itself refers back to the reading from Matthew 6:5-6. In that passage, Jesus teaches that when people pray they should seek to pray in secret. In the NRSV, Jesus says. “go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”

As we pray, what is waiting in the closet of our hearts? When we go to pray, what are we sharing with God inside of our hearts and souls? As it is Sunday and a day of celebration, it is fitting that the #RethinkChurch Lenten Photo-A-Day prompt is the word “celebrate.”

Buckwheat Chocolate Chip Scones

Like many people, I find that it is great to celebrate with a treat. A few months ago, my kids and I were celebrating time together when we decided to make scones for breakfast. We wanted something sweet, but money has been tight.

We dug through the freezer and cupboards and found the ingredients for scones. My middle child found the chocolate chips in the back of the freezer, I found the right type of flour, and my youngest happily knew where we store the butter in the fridge. We put everything together, rolled out the dough, and baked the scones.

What is in the closet of my heart when I think of the word “celebrate?” My closet is filled with hopes and dreams. What does my prayer look like as I think about celebrating? It is full of joy for the celebrations of the past and pleading for celebrations in the future.

Does the prayer mean less because I do not lift it up in church during the prayers of the people? Does the church have a magical microphone that enables God to hear those prayers better? On both counts, the answer is “no.” If anything, the prayers I pray in my heart are likely all the more sacred as they dwell between God and me alone.

Whatever your prayer life is like today, I pray that you know that God hears our prayers. We do not need to stand on a street corner or have a microphone to be heard by God. To be sure, it is a powerful thing to pray together. It is great to be encouraged by praying with others, comforted by sharing prayers with others, and blessed by being invited into prayer for others. Still, the prayers of our quiet spaces are just as sacred to the God that calls us to come and pray in secret.

A Smooring Blessing

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In the Carmina Gadelica, the process of smooring is described. Smooring was the process by which fire was kept during the night in the Highlands. Since wood was not readily obtainable, the Carmina Gadelica describes how fire would be kept so that the locally obtainable peat might burn more readily the next day. The act became very ritualistic and infused with prayer over centuries.

In my own spiritual practice, I have been considering how I can bring regular spirituality into my daily life. I have been pondering how my own daily life translates into a modern smooring. Looking at the Carmina Gadelica, which is in the public domain, we see the following prayer:

The sacred Three,
To save,
To shield,
To surround.
The hearth,
The house,
The household,
This eve,
This night,
Oh! This eve,
This night,
And every night,
Each single night.
Amen.

Untitled Smooring Blessing in Alexander Carmichael’s “Carmina Gadelica, v. 1”

The prayer was very Trinitarian, very grounded, and very conscious of the importance of this moment in time. Pondering how my spirituality of smooring fits into modern day, I am drawn to the simple answer that I might simply change the word hearth to bring the prayer into this day; however, what word would you choose? The hearth was a source of heat, food, and family life. Would the word be kitchen? Stove? Furnace? Looking through other prayers, one has trouble imagining Jesus’ mother Mary smooring the fire in the same way today as when Alexander Carmichael first published his work in 1900.

I really didn’t need much of an excuse to share this photo… Still, that candle is sacred to me as it is the candle we burned during our Covenant Group during the last session of the Two-Year Upper Room Academy for Spiritual Formation (39).

Most of the Smooring Blessings revolve around the mother of the house engaging in the act of smothering the embers at the end of the evening as she remembers the legacy of the saints all around her. Some blessings see saints out on the lawn and angels watching the hearth. Others see the Apostles standing there on the floor with an angel guarding the door of the house.

Another prayer candle in our home. Not quite a hearth…

I think an honest approach to this type of prayer might be to ponder the saints who have walked these paths in years past. Here is one of my attempts:

We “smoor the fire” on this night.
We tend house and all within.
Each dog, cat, fish, child, and spouse
Be blessed as we greet the dark.

May the Spirit watch our sleep
And bring wisdom to our dreams.
May peace fill every corner
from roof to the earth below.

May Christ’s kind hands be our hands
As we settle all in beds.
May warmth surround family
And keep the night’s chill outside.

May we awake to create
Good things out of daily life.
May our Maker smile on us:
We imagine a new day.

We walk on floors tread before.
May our night be blessed tonight.
Thank you for caring for those
Who have rested here before.

May those who follow be blessed
And give thanks for our blessing
As we give thanks now for theirs.
May thanks arise forever. Amen.

“A Modern Smooring Blessing” by The Distracted Pastor, 2019

Poem for a rough day

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All people have rough days. Ministers are no exception. Today has been a difficult morning for me. I have wept, I have prayed, and I have reached out to friends. One friend recommended I read two psalms, so I did the natural thing: I turned to a completely different psalm. I am, if nothing else, predictable.

I spent time in Psalm 127 trying to get my head back on straight. The following poem is inspired by the first two verses. It is a rondelet, which is my favorite syllabic poetry form outside of the various forms of Japanese Haikai.

Find rest with God.
Anxious thoughts do not give life birth.
Find rest with God.
There will come no bread from poor sod:
Unless the Creator brings forth
There will come nothing of true worth.
Find rest with God.

“Find rest with God” Rondelet (inspired by Psalm 127:1-2) by the Distracted Pastor, 2019