Life Reflections

The Forest for the Trees

/ Robert D / Leave a comment

“Once more, Peter represents us, the everyday disciple. I suspect that there have been many times in my life where my heart was in the right place, but I was not thinking God’s thoughts. Instead, I was analyzing the situation from my very human perspective. There are times we make important decisions based upon our own logic, spending little or no time praying or seeking to understand God’s thoughts.”

Rev. Adam Hamilton, “Simon Peter: Flawed but Faithful Disciple”

What does it mean to identify with a text? There are many different definitions of what it means to look at a text and find something in common with the author, the text, or even just the emotion behind the text. In our reading for this week, Simon Peter does the thing he does so very well. Simon Peter takes one step forward and one step back.

I don’t know that Simon Peter felt exactly how I felt while reading the chapter this week, but if I were in Simon Peter’s shoes, I would be incredibly frustrated. Peter was seemingly a disciple who was trying his best to understand what was literally an unprecedented situation: God made flesh. To be fully honest, Simon Peter was one of the few people who ever had to deal with the situation he was in as a person. There was no example who left behind a manual with clearly laid out instructions from before his time. Nobody has truly had to deal with the same circumstances since.

Instead of a manual for what to do, Simon Peter left behind a series of stories of almost getting it. Instead of getting credit, Simon Peter has often been lambasted for not getting things right. I am probably projecting on Simon Peter, but it seems truly and utterly unfair to judge Peter for looking at things with the only perspective he had. To be clear, I neither criticize nor accuse Rev. Hamilton of doing anything untoward with Peter’s stories. I criticize myself for being really hard on Peter over the years.

When I look in the mirror, I see someone who has often walked face-first into my own assumptions. I see some of the places where I did my best to live life with an honest heart that was doing the very best job it could in the circumstances. I took the screwdriver in my hand and set to work trying to build a bookcase. It wasn’t my fault I didn’t have the allen wrench I needed.

Sometimes it is frustrating to constantly swing at life with a hammer only to realize the situation before me requires screws and not nails. Sometimes it hurts to constantly fall short despite the fact that you are legitimately doing your best. Sometimes it can really frustrate and irritate a person. I have seen ministers leave the ministry as a result of the fact that they simply cannot get enough leverage on the hammer no matter the angle they approach the problem from to turn the screw into place.

It is good to note that Jesus really loved Simon Peter. I hope he forgave himself for constantly bringing a salad to a chili contest. I mean, at least he brought food, unlike the other disciples? I know that I probably owe Peter an apology. I probably owe myself an apology as well.

Our church is offering a short-term Bible study for the season of Lent. While many studies for the season traditionally focus on spiritual practices or on the stories of holy week, this year we are reading “Simon Peter: Flawed but Faithful Disciple” by Rev. Adam Hamilton. The idea of the study is that we might consider how we follow Christ in our lives while considering the life of this flawed follower. These blog posts are designed with a principle I have learned from recovery work: “We identify with the stories of others and try not to contrast.” We grow more and live with greater serenity when we look for what we share in common with someone with whom we might otherwise disagree.

Beyond Inconvenience

/ Robert D / Leave a comment

“Has anyone ever asked you to do something, and you really didn’t want to do it because it was an inconvenience? Perhaps you were tired—and yet you did it anyway? Here’s what Peter would learn again and again: Jesus routinely inconveniences his followers.“

– Rev. Adam Hamilton, “Simon Peter: Flawed yet Faithful Disciple”

I have a less-than-serious confession to make. Over the past few years, I have had a few moments where I have looked at the world around me and felt as if there is a giant conspiracy. The conspirators are in my home with me. Late at night, I can almost hear them whispering. Sometimes it seems like the dishes are conspiring against me. No matter how often I clean them and put them away, it seems they are only too eager to congregate in my sink, the drying rack, or the dishwasher. Cleaning the dishes never ends. They’re all out to get me and living on my own means this endless war comes with no respite and there is no quarter either taken or given.

The dishes are, thankfully, generally peaceful. True, occasionally a sharp knife will take a stab at moving from a helpful tool to an attempted assassin, but in general they are an inconvenience at worst. Sure, sometimes someone will drop by and I will feel as if my very life will be judged based on how clean the sink looks, but that’s rarely happened.

Somehow, I do struggle with the word choice in the section I wanted to identify with today. It is certainly true that people are inconvenienced by Christ all the time in the gospels. I am certain that Simon Peter would like to go in and rest after a long night of fishing. Rowing out, loading the nets, casting the nets one last time, and even looking at the smirk I imagine on the face of Christ had to be inconvenient. Being around the Messiah who lays around the table chatting after the meal and who is regularly accused of hanging out with sinners probably meant that there was more than one time when life was more complicated than working a nine-to-five, grabbing takeout, and crashing at home. There were people to see, lives to heal, and the time had come for change. Working for change is rarely convenient.

Rev. Hamilton is absolutely right that the Living One calls us to moments of inconvenience. If you’ll notice, I am absolutely avoiding the word “but” as I do not wish to diminish the quite accurate point made by Rev. Hamilton. Also, sometimes Jesus asks us to go beyond inconvenience to sacrifice. In the story being considered, Jesus preaching from Simon Peter’s boat, the most requested of Simon Peter is an inconveniencing moment or two that ends up blessing both Simon Peter and the families around Simon Peter who would have otherwise had no obvious ways to provide after an abysmal night.

The challenge is that there are places in most of our lives where we know we are being called beyond inconvenience. There are people who place unreasonable demands on us and times when it feels like there is not enough in the bank account to be generous. There are times when cards are declining and times when we just want to go home but that friend really needs help. There are times when we are called to give beyond what is convenient into the realm of genuinely offputting or uncomfortable levels.

Sometimes, Jesus routinely asks his followers to give at such levels. We want a lovely church, we want people to find Jesus, and we want people in the pews. It can be inconvenient to offer to give someone a ride for a single Sunday. It can be truly offputting to realize that they will need help every Sunday for the foreseeable future. It can be inconvenient to be asked to give a box of stuffing at the holidays to help feed the family down the street and it can be beyond inconvenient when your neighbor next door is hungry and you only made enough food for one person.

Jesus still calls us to be faithful. Also, when we need help, we seemingly can trust that the moment will come when we can lower our nets for a catch. Both inconvenience and provision take place in this story. We can trust God in both.

Our church is offering a short-term Bible study for the season of Lent. While many studies for the season traditionally focus on spiritual practices or on the stories of holy week, this year we are reading “Simon Peter: Flawed but Faithful Disciple” by Rev. Adam Hamilton. The idea of the study is that we might consider how we follow Christ in our lives while considering the life of this flawed follower. These blog posts are designed with a principle I have learned from recovery work: “We identify with the stories of others and try not to contrast.” We grow more and live with greater serenity when we look for what we share in common with someone with whom we might otherwise disagree.

Giving Stone for Bread

/ Robert D / Leave a comment

“Many of our well-meant charities are of this sort. We blunder in our efforts to help poor needy people, because we do not get their point of view. We do not live our way into their lives. There is no fit between our gift and their need. They get a stone for bread.”

Quaker Theologian Rufus Jones, The Inner Life (1916), pg. 48

Today has been an interesting day in terms of my diet. I began the day with a waffle made with ground chickpeas and oatmeal. It was decorated and made colorful by a handful of sprinkles. After lifting weights later in the morning, I had a protein heavy lunch of fishy meatballs made with perch, breadcrumbs, aromatics, and egg. Dinner was what I will charitably call octopus buns, which is what happens when you steam Chinese steam buns over a steamer with big holes for steam, especially when you don’t give them time to rise properly..

All in all, a relatively cheap day. The fish was the only non-staple and it ended up being around $2.33 for the perch. A little bit of flour, some oats, breadcrumbs, and two eggs. Simple fare, but it tasted just fine to me.

Perhaps I won’t win any culinary awards for today’s menu. It is not always easy to live within one’s means, but I normally pull it off pretty well most days. Would my kids turn their noses up at what I made today? Yeah, but life is good regardless.

In my devotional today, I read through the words of Albert Edward Day in “Disciplining and Discovery.” The section talked about the various attributes of Christ and the following paragraph caught my attention:

“Frugality: ‘How hard it will be for those who have riches to enter the kingdom of God’; ‘for our sakes he became poor that we through his poverty might be rich’; ‘man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God’; Frugal in food, he fasted long days in the wilderness. Frugal in sleep, he spent whole nights in prayer alone with God. Frugal in personal relationships, he loved people but could get along without them if his truth offended the, ‘will ye also go away?’ ”

Albert Edward Day as quoted in “Guide to Prayer for Ministers and Other Servants”

Frugal in food, sleep, and personal relationships… A tall order that perhaps lies in an order of difficulty from easiest to hardest. I know that food is easier to live with frugally than sleep. I have spent long nights in prayer and would far rather live with “Wonder Bread” sandwiches. I perhaps, at times, would accept sleepless nights over the sense of loneliness when everyone had gone away. None of these matters are anything to sneeze at, but, if we are honest, we might admit that none is the end of the world.

The thing is that I don’t mind a bit of frugality. There’s a real sense of strength that comes from knowing that you can make it through life alone. I can be in a relationship these days because I know that I can make it on my own if I want to make it on my own. My girlfriend is great, but I have to stand on my own two feet and one of the ways I do that is by living within my means, cutting back on expenses, and enjoying the blessings while not over extending myself to match her generosity. She may be able to afford to do some things I can’t and even be able to show love in ways I don’t know how to match at this point in my life, but I can bring other things to the potluck of our relationship. I bring who I am and somehow that’s enough.

If you can’t tell, I am grateful for my frugal fare. People do sometimes bless me with gifts of food for which I am also grateful, but I like being simple at times, even when it is difficult. Perhaps I am especially grateful when it is difficult. Being frugal can build character and character is something that you cannot necessarily put a price tag upon.

I love it when people are helpful, but if they are offering me a stone instead of bread, that’s not the solution to my problems that I require. My needs are only truly understandable when you walk a mile in my shoes, which isn’t something someone can do out there. These shoes rest right here and unless you’re here to see these worn treads and feel the frayed lining where my heels brush… To be blunt while hopefully not causing offense, you don’t actually know what you’re talking about, so please ask first and understand that sometimes no means no.