Una Canción Nueva: Not Making it Worse

In October we remember Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am reading and reflecting on both my experiences and the thoughts of others about domestic violence during this month. This action is important to me as a survivor of domestic violence.

Yesterday and two days ago I wrote about asking for help when demons from the past are haunting us. Yesterday I wrote and encouraged people who need help to ask for it. People of God, I encourage you not to make things worse by shaming people who need help.

I know that the Bible has a lot of things that revolve around community issues. Often, the things that the Bible addresses regarding community issues are beneficial to many people. The words of the gospel of Matthew, chapter 18, are amazing to many people. Sometimes the words can help with domestic violence issues, but when you don’t know the situation, the advice in that chapter can be dangerous.

It is possible that people who experience domestic violence may suffer or die when the abusers cannot hide in the shadows. Abusers may be kind to others and horrible to their victims. Although people may attend church, it is possible for those people to live in evil when in the shadows of ignorance.

When you don’t know what’s going on in a domestic violence survivor’s life, don’t shame people who ask for help. All people, regardless of gender identity, deserve to seek help and be believed. Some people may be liars, but when you don’t know, you don’t know and you don’t need to judge without understanding.


En Octubre recordamos el mes de concientización sobre la violencia doméstica. Estoy leyendo y reflexionando sobre ambas mis experiencias y los pensamientos de otra sobre violencia doméstica durante este mes. Esta acción es importante para mi como un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica.

Ayer y hace dos días escribí acerca de pedir ayuda cuando los demonios del pasado nos están acosando. Ayer escribí y animé a las personas que necesitan ayuda a pedirla. Pueblo de Dios, los animo a no empeorar las cosas avergonzando a las personas que necesitan ayuda.

Sé que la Biblia tiene muchas cosas que giran en torno a problemas de la comunidad. A menudo, las cosas que la Biblia trata sobre problemas de la comunidad son beneficiosas para muchas personas. Las palabras del evangelio de Mateo, capítulo 18, son increíbles para muchas personas. A veces, las palabras pueden ayudar con los problemas de violencia doméstica, pero cuando no se conoce la situación, el consejo de ese capítulo puede ser peligroso.

Es posible que las personas que experiencia violencia doméstica puede dolor o morir cuando los abusadores no puede esconder en los sombras. Las personas que abusan puede ser genial a otras y horible a su victimas. Aunque las personas puede attender la iglesia, es posible esos personas vivir malveda cuando adentro los sombras de ignorencia.

Cuando no sabes qué está pasando en la vida de una sobreviviente de violencia doméstica, no avergüenzas a las personas que piden ayuda. Todas las personas, independientemente de su identidad de género, merecen buscar ayuda y que se les crea. Es posible que algunas personas sean mentirosas, pero cuando no sabes, no sabes y no necesitas juzgar sin comprender.

Una Canción Nueva: Letting Go (part two)

In October we remember Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am reading and reflecting on both my experiences and the thoughts of others about domestic violence during this month. This action is important to me as a survivor of domestic violence.

Yesterday I wrote on my blog about trusting Jesus when demons from the past are knocking at the door of your heart. Today, I need to tell the truth about the reality of domestic violence. Sometimes, the Lord wants to help you seek freedom from domestic violence. Today, the Lord loves you and wants you to seek help with your problems. Even if you are scared and worried, the Lord loves you and wants you to ask for help.

It is terrible to suffer from domestic violence. Why do we believe the Lord does not want us to call 800-799-SAFE or visit thehotline.org when we need help? It is unbelievable that we believe the Lord does not love us and want us to seek help!

Yes, it is good for us to call upon the Lord when demons from the past are bothering us, especially when the demons from the past are in the past. When demons from the past are in the present, we call upon the Lord and we also call upon others to help us. Today, our Lord loves us and hears us. When we call upon others we may find new freedom. When we do not call upon others, we may find that the very demons we hate are here until we seek help.


En Octubre recordamos el mes de concientización sobre la violencia doméstica. Estoy leyendo y reflexionando sobre ambas mis experiencias y los pensamientos de otra sobre violencia doméstica durante este mes. Esta acción es importante para mi como un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica.

Ayer escribí en mi blog acerca de confiar en Jesús cuando los demonios del pasado están llamando a la puerta de tu corazón. Hoy, necesito decir la verdad sobre la realidad de la violencia doméstica. A veces, el Señor quiere ayudarte a buscar la libertad de la violencia doméstica. Hoy, el Señor te ama y quiere que busques ayuda con tus problemas. Incluso si tiene miedo y está preocupado, el Señor se ama y desea que usted preguntar para ayudar.

Es terrible que sufrir de violencia doméstica. ¿Por qué creeimos el Señor no desea que llamar 800-799-SAFE o visitamos el sitio thehotline.org cuando neceisitamos ayudar? ¡Es incredible que creeimos el Señor no se ama y desea que buscar a ayudar!

Sí, es bueno que invoquemos al Señor cuando los demonios del pasado nos están molestando, especialmente cuando los demonios del pasado están en el pasado. Cuando los demonios del pasado están en el presente, invocamos al Señor y también invocamos a otros para que nos ayuden. Hoy, nuestro Señor nos ama y nos escucha. Cuando invocamos a otros podemos encontrar una nueva libertad. Cuando no invocamos a otros, podemos encontrar que los mismos demonios que odiamos están aquí hasta que buscamos ayudar.

Una Canción Nueva: Letting Go

In October we remember Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am reading and reflecting on both my experiences and the thoughts of others about domestic violence during this month. This action is important to me as a survivor of domestic violence.

One day last week, I was having a conversation about the past. A person and I were talking about our fears and worries from the past. We wanted to live without our fears and worries, but the demons from the past wouldn’t let go. How frustrating!

It’s hard to let go of the past. Often, demons from the past come knocking at the door when it’s not good for our mental health. It’s like they have our mobile phone number and it’s not possible to turn it off. The phone sings and makes a disturbing noise when we just want to live in the present. It’s horrible!

In my recovery program we learn that we have to admit that we were powerless over our problems. We have to admit that our lives had become unmanageable. We didn’t believe that every problem needed God’s help, but there were some problems that we were powerless over. Sometimes our demons from the past are problems that we are powerless over. I see the same power in the demons of the past as I do in the horrible problems that I am powerless over.

In my past life, I had to decide to put my life in the Lord’s hands before seeking freedom and happiness. When I went to seek the Lord instead of struggling with my problems, I found new freedom and happiness. Today, why don’t I seek the Lord instead of struggling with the demons of the past? Jesus Christ descended into hell to save me. Why don’t I believe that Jesus can defeat my demons of the past even though I am powerless against them? Can I entrust these demons of the past to Jesus and walk away without becoming stuck?


En Octubre recordamos el mes de concientización sobre la violencia doméstica. Estoy leyendo y reflexionando sobre ambas mis experiencias y los pensamientos de otra sobre violencia doméstica durante este mes. Esta acción es importante para mi como un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica.

Un día de la semana pasada, estaba teniendo una conversación sobre el pasado. Una persona y yo hablamos sobre nuestros miedos y preocupaciones del pasado. Queríamos vivir sin nuestros miedos y preocupaciones, pero los demonios del pasado no lo salirnos. ¡Que frustrante!

Es difícil desprenderse del pasado. A menudo, los demonios del pasado llaman a la puerta cuando no es bueno para nuestra salud mental. Es como si tuvieran nuestro número de teléfono móvil y no fuera posible apagarlo. El teléfono canta y hace un ruido inquietante cuando solo queremos vivir el presente. ¡Es horrible!

En mi programa de recuperación aprendemos que tenemos que admitir que éramos impotentes ante nuestros problemas. Tenemos que admitir que nuestras vidas se habían vuelto ingobernables. No creíamos que todos los problemas necesitaban la ayuda de Dios, pero había algunos problemas ante los cuales éramos impotentes. A veces, nuestros demonios del pasado son problemas ante los cuales somos impotentes. Veo el mismo poder en los demonios del pasado que en los problemas horribles ante los cuales soy impotente.

En mi vida pasada, tuve que decidir poner mi vida en las manos del Señor antes de buscar la libertad y la felicidad. Cuando fui a buscar al Señor en lugar de luchar con mis problemas, encontré una nueva libertad y felicidad. Este dia, ¿por qué no busco al Señor en lugar de luchar con los demonios del pasado? Jesucristo descendió a los infiernos para salvarme. ¿Por qué no creo que Jesús puede vencer a mis demonios del pasado aunque yo sea impotente contra ellos? ¿Puedo confiarle a Jesús estos demonios del pasado y alejarme sin quedarme estancado?

Una Canción Nueva: 1 Corinthians 7:20-21

“Each person should stay in the situation they were in when they were called. If you were a slave when you were called, don’t let it bother you. But if you are actually able to be free, take advantage of the opportunity.”

1 Corinthians 7:20-21, Common English Bible

In October we remember Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am reading and reflecting on both my experiences and the thoughts of others about domestic violence during this month. This action is important to me as a survivor of domestic violence.

The above scripture is not from the Revised Common Lectionary for next Sunday. I am taking advantage of this moment in my life to say the same thing that Paul has written in this scripture. Live in peace when you need to accept terrible things, but grab the opportunity to get your freedom when it is possible.

In other words, grab hold of the words and hopes of the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

No person needs to live in fear of violence. Don’t lose hope or sleep over the things you can’t change, but embrace opportunities to be free from the violence in your life. Embrace freedom when it comes, even if it’s scary. You’re worth it.


“Que cada uno permanezca en la condición en que estaba cuando Dios lo llamó. ¿Era esclavo cuando fuiste llamado? No te preocupes, aunque si tienes la oportunidad de conseguir tu libertad, aprovéchala.”

1 Corintios 7:20-21, Nueva Versión Internacional

En Octubre recordamos el mes de concientización sobre la violencia doméstica. Estoy leyendo y reflexionando sobre ambas mis experiencias y los pensamientos de otra sobre violencia doméstica durante este mes. Esta acción es importante para mi como un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica.

La escritura de arriba no es del Leccionario Común Revisado para el próximo domingo. Estoy aprovéchala de este momento en mi vida a decir la misma cosa que Pablo ha escrito en esta escritura. Vive en paz cuando necesitan aceptar cosas malísimas, pero agarra la oportunidad de conseqguir tu libertad cuando es posible.

En otras palabras, agarre las palabras y las esperanza de la Oración de Serenidad: “Dios, concédeme la serenidad para aceptar las cosas que no puedo cambiar, valor para cambiar aquellas que puedo, y sabiduría para reconocer la diferencia.”

Ninguna persona necesita vivir con miedos sobre violencia. No pierde esperanza o duerme sobre las cosas que no puede cambiar, pero acepta las oportunidades para liberarse de violencia en su vida. Acepta la libertad cuando llegue, incluso di da miedo. Tú lo vales.

Fear as the Gatekeeper

“Fear keeps some people in dead-end jobs and environments so miserable that they dread going to work—and yet they come back day after day because they are afraid to go into another field that would actually excite them. I’ve known people who stayed in abusive marriages because they were more afraid of venturing into the unknown than of staying with their abuser.”

Rev. Adam Hamilton, “Simon Peter: Flawed but Faithful Disciple”

Fear is sometimes the biggest gatekeeper to change. There are often other collaborating factors that keep us in our place, but fear itself can be the hardest obstacle to overcome. Rev. Hamilton writes about people who allow fear to keep them in abusive marriages in our chapter this week. He’s right.

I am in long-term recovery from a disease that I would likely have had resting in the background even if I never picked up a bottle. My mother was an alcoholic and I am one too. I often speak about how alcoholism is not a four-letter word and regularly point out how there is hope for people facing alcoholism both during communion services and throughout the week both at work and in my personal life.

I don’t often share openly about how strong a factor fear was in my own disease. I should have had both the education and the experience to know just how dangerous it was to mix alcohol with fear. It was easier to drink than to face the things I was afraid of doing. Standing up for myself, my children, and my future should have been a higher priority than escapism, but it wasn’t because I was afraid. I was afraid of my former partner, my district superintendent, and even the church leaders who really wanted what was best for me even when all I could hear was criticism. I was afraid.

After being called forward by Jesus, Simon Peter stepped out of the boat. He was able to take a few steps and live the kind of life many of us dream of experiencing. He didn’t run a marathon out on the waves, but he stepped further out into the unknown than any of the other disciples. He risked it all and found Jesus out on the waves.

On different seas, I risked it all. I could have scraped and cowered further, but I stood up for myself. I stood up for myself and said I didn’t want to be abused anymore. When my former partner responded to my asking for freedom by calling my District Superintendent and sharing my medical history without consent, I stood with my head tall in my conversation with my supervisor. I admitted I had a problem, had been working towards recovery for years, told her what I had been doing and what I was doing about it, and worked within the covenant community to find a way forward. I was honest with my SPRC and eventually spoke about my experiences openly from the pulpit. I risked stepping out into some pretty serious wind and waves in order to break the shackles of fear.

I don’t regret standing up for myself. In recovery circles, we talk about how we come to not regret the past nor wish to change it because the road we have walked down gives us the tools to help other people. The waves can be choppy and I have had to reach out a time or two, but I know one thing: I never want to feel the shackle of fear around my neck again. I would rather live in honest, open recovery than seek to hide my identity again. I’m grateful for the freedom that came from stumbling out of that boat.


Our church is offering a short-term Bible study for the season of Lent. While many studies for the season traditionally focus on spiritual practices or on the stories of holy week, this year we are reading “Simon Peter: Flawed but Faithful Disciple” by Rev. Adam Hamilton. The idea of the study is that we might consider how we follow Christ in our lives while considering the life of this flawed follower. These blog posts are designed with a principle I have learned from recovery work: “We identify with the stories of others and try not to contrast.” We grow more and live with greater serenity when we look for what we share in common with someone with whom we might otherwise disagree.

Let us Ramble: An Arresting Quote on Charity

Recently, a college classmate of mine from years ago asked a question on Facebook. If I could write a paper on any female spiritual figure in history, which person would I choose? I love open-ended questions and spent a couple of days perusing the answers until late Thursday morning. I had been working on collecting reports for our Annual Meeting and had just completed a report for a member who is in need of a bit of a hiatus. In other words, I was out of coffee, had been up worrying about my infant with a fever most of the night, and was a bit bleary eyed. I took a few moments to look at my bookshelf for something that I could peruse for a few minutes while my wits came back around to meet me and the next item on my agenda.

My eyes fell on one of my favorite books from a few years back. I came across “The Mirror of Simple Souls” by Marguerite Porete. My edition is from “The Classics of Western Spirituality” of Paulist Press in 1993 and was translated by Ellen L. Babinsky with a preface by Robert E. Lerner. I immediately thought of the post, remembered that nobody seemed to have mentioned this wonderful author, and jumped to share with my old college friend.

IMG_1344.JPG

My copy of Marguerite Porete’s “The Mirror of Simple Souls.” I recommend it highly!

I picked up my copy, began to peruse, and then began to laugh. Did you ever wonder what would get a woman killed by the inquisition in France in 1310? Well, writing in vernacular French didn’t help. What made me laugh was the translation of a part of the trial where the inquisitor is shocked that not only did Marguerite not burn her copy of her book after a former bishop ruled it heretical, she kept thinking it was a good book, and dared to send it to another bishop as well as other simple folks “as if it were good!”

I do love a woman who believes in herself and her God! She spoke the language of the people, cared about the people, and kept on believing in God’s call on her life despite the challenges! Authority should be respected, but let’s be clear—Marguerite Porete saw authority abused and relied on her faith in the highest authority of all! Here was a woman who makes me smile!

I began to spend a few minutes browsing over the pages while working up the courage to go across the way to heat up a cup of coffee. I was reading along when something caught my eye worthy of a blog post and inspirational enough to get me to hold off on grabbing that cup of joe. Here’s what is translated from the fourth chapter of Marguerite Porete’s Mirror of Simple Souls:

“Charity is such a wise merchant that she earns profits everywhere where others lose, and she escapes the bonds that bind others and thus has great multiplicity of what pleases Love.”

I love this concept. As I pen this blog post for Monday morning, I am drawn to think about charity. Charity has many roots and I do not pretend to be an etymologist, but I noted with enthusiasm that the Online Etymology Dictionary stated that around the time of Marguerite Porete’s life, charity became connected with the concept of the affections we ought to feel for other people. In my own imaginary world, there is a distinct correlation between these facts!

I think about the ways we ought to feel for other people and how that inspires us a lot on Mondays. Recently, my primary visitation day for going to visit people in their homes or in care-facilities is on Mondays. As this is posted online (unless something goes askew) I am likely riding in my car down to visit one of our saints in the Triple Cities. Some of these visits are easy to accomplish as the saints in question are lively, ask deep questions, and appreciate a good visit. Some of these visits are heartbreaking at times when the saints are struggling.

When we consider how we ought to feel for others and then when we let those feelings affect who we are as people, we are entering into the purest form of charity. Charity is not meant as something begrudgingly given, something scowlingly given, or something unfortunate that has to happen in order for the charitable person to to be one of the good people. Charity is our opportunity to live into the same gracious love as our Lord and Savior first showed us. Charity is our opportunity to become the hands and feet of God and to enter into the dance of God’s love. Charity is an amazing thing!

Marguerite’s concept arrested my eyes because of the simple beauty of the idea. Charity finds profits where others lose. Charity finds freedom where others find fettering chains. Charity abounds in what pleases Love. These ideas are so simple and beautiful.

How can charity find profit where others lose? Perhaps it is because charity, when birthed by love, sees things through different eyes. The world says that you will never get rich by taking weekends off from work and volunteering to play basketball at the YMCA with kids. You will never get rich volunteering with the Boys and Girls Club or with your church. You also cannot buy the love those kids may come to have for you as a person. You cannot buy their affection, their love, their admiration, their imitation, or any of the other blessings that come being involved in a ministry of charity. You will never get rich with money—you may become rich with love.

How can charity find profit where others lose? Sometimes it is because love follows love. In the spring of 2013 I witnessed the worst community fire of my career in Boonville, NY. The church I was serving became a hub to help provide food, shelter, space for the American Red Cross, and information for the people who were displaced. Do you know what happened when we tried to buy lunch for the people who were displaced? We were matched by others and nobody went hungry. Do you know what happened when we started to collect clothes? The fellowship hall was filled with blessings. Every time we tried to give what we could, others joined in with us in charity. Perhaps you may find no personal profit in engaging in charity, but sometimes the love of God seen in you inspires others to bless those around us.

How does any of this promote freedom? I believe charity breaks the bonds that hold us in place. Often we get trapped within our own prisons by tradition, by circumstances, by our own limitations, and by our own imagination. There can be freedom when charity invites us to feel for others like we ought to feel, when charity motivates us to move past feeling to action, and when charity finally overwhelms our prisons.

The week of the fire in Boonville wasn’t just a holy week. The fire took place during THE Holy Week. We had to cancel our extra services on Thursday and Friday to care for people in need. We worshipped across church lines with Presbyterians and Baptists that week on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday respectively.

They welcomed us as guests and opened their hearts and church homes to us. What kept us from worshipping together before? Pride? Maybe. Tradition? Probably. Silliness? Definitely. I never enjoyed worship services so much as when we came into those churches, sat exhaustedly down, and we were welcomed and loved despite our tiredness and our Methodist personhoods. We United Methodists made space for others and through charity we found the freedom to look beyond our doors. We had the freedom to find our family and spend time with them. The family of Christ worshipped in a holy way that week.

When we engage in charity, we find ourselves in places where we can build up an abundance of love. I will likely be thinking of Marguerite’s call to charity was I walk through the doors of Bridgewater Rehabilitation or one of the United Methodist Homes this morning. I pray that you would find places to fall in love with God, to love your neighbor, and to connect with who you ought to be—someone filled with holy charity, freed by grace, and abounding in love.