In October we remember Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am reading and reflecting on both my experiences and the thoughts of others about domestic violence during this month. This action is important to me as a survivor of domestic violence.
One book I am reading during Domestic Violence Awareness Month is a book I read all year long. The book is “The Sayings of the Desert Fathers,” which was translated by Benedicta Ward. In the sayings, Abba Poemen said, “Men speak to perfection but they do precious little about it.”
Unfortunately, it is true. In the church, many people talk a lot about the world’s problems, but never act to change the situation. Yes, it is true that I am a pastor. Yes, it is true that I speak about domestic violence this month and at other times of the year. Unfortunately, I am already looking for how to live in the solution, but I do not understand how to live and progress without hypocrisy.
My hope is that this blog will raise awareness about the issue of domestic violence and that people will try to live with truth and action. St. John said in 1 John 3:18, “Dear children, let us not love in word or lip service, but in action and in truth.”
En Octubre recordamos el mes de concientización sobre la violencia doméstica. Estoy leyendo y reflexionando sobre ambas mis experiencias y los pensamientos de otra sobre violencia doméstica durante este mes. Esta acción es importante para mi como un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica.
Un libro que estoy leyendo durante el Mes de Concientización sobre la Violencia Doméstica es un libro que leo todo el año. El libro es “Los dichos de los Padres del Desierto”, que fue traducido por Benedicta Ward. En los dichos, Abba Poemen dijo: “Los hombres hablan a la perfección, pero hacen muy poco al respecto”.
Desgraciadamente, es cierto. En la iglesia, mucha gente habla mucho de los problemas del mundo, pero nunca actúa para cambiar la situación. Sí, es cierto que soy pastor. Sí, es cierto que hablo sobre la violencia doméstica este mes y en otros momentos del año. Desgraciadamente, ya estoy buscando cómo vivir en la solución, pero no entiendo cómo vivir y progresar sin hipocresía.
Mi esperanza es que este blog genere conciencia sobre el problema de la violencia doméstica y que haya personas que intenten vivir con la verdad y la acción. San Juan dijo en 1 Juan 3:18, “queridos hijos, no amemos de palabra ni de labios para afuera, sino con hechos y de verdad”.
In October we remember Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am reading and reflecting on both my experiences and the thoughts of others about domestic violence during this month. This action is important to me as a survivor of domestic violence.
One book I am reading during Domestic Violence Awareness Month is a book I read throughout the year. The book is “The Sayings of the Desert Fathers,” which was translated by Benedicta Ward. In the sayings, Abba Macarius the Great said, “If you rebuke someone, you yourself are carried away by anger and are satisfying your own passion; do not lose yourself, therefore, in order to save another.”
Sometimes, I want to rebuke people who live with domestic violence in their words, actions, and lives. I want to live with an “eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” mentality, but Jesus said, “Do not resist someone who mistreats you. If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” I say domestic violence is wrong and I hate acts of violence, but anger can burn me to ashes
I need to take care of myself when I’m angry at bad people. It’s not good to fight to the death over my anger. The people who love me want me to live and live a great life. I need to take care of myself when I get carried away by my emotions. When I’m angry at bad people and I don’t take care of myself, I make a bad situation worse. It’s not good.
En Octubre recordamos el mes de concientización sobre la violencia doméstica. Estoy leyendo y reflexionando sobre ambas mis experiencias y los pensamientos de otra sobre violencia doméstica durante este mes. Esta acción es importante para mi como un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica.
Un libro que estoy leyendo durante el Mes de Concientización sobre la Violencia Doméstica es un libro que leo durante todo el año. El libro es “Los dichos de los Padres del Desierto”, que fue traducido por Benedicta Ward. En los dichos, Abba Macarius el Gran dijo: “Si reprendes a alguien, tú mismo te dejas llevar por la ira y estás satisfaciendo tu propia pasión; no te pierdas, por lo tanto, para salvar a otro”.
A veces, quiero reprender a las personas que viven con violencia doméstica en sus palabras, acciones y vidas. Quiero vivir con la mentalidad de “ojo por ojo y diente por diente”, pero Jesús dijo: “No resistan a quien los maltrate. Si alguien los abofetea en la mejilla derecha, pónganle también la otra”. Digo que la violencia doméstica es mala y odio los actos de violencia, pero la ira puede quemarme hasta convertirme en cenizas.
Necesito cuidarme cuando estoy enojado con gente mala. No es bueno luchar hasta la muerte por mi ira. La gente que me ama quiere que viva y viva una gran vida. Necesito cuidarme cuando me dejo llevar por mis emociones. Cuando estoy enojado con gente mala y no me cuido, empeoro una mala situación. No es bueno.
In October we remember Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am reading and reflecting on both my experiences and the thoughts of others about domestic violence during this month. This action is important to me as a survivor of domestic violence.
One book I am reading during Domestic Violence Awareness Month is a book I read all year long. The book is “The Sayings of the Desert Fathers,” which was translated by Benedicta Ward. In the sayings, Abba Poemen said that Abba Ammonas said, “A man can stay in his cell for a hundred years without learning to live in his cell.”
It’s true! When I think about how I live my experience, I wonder what I have learned about living with the demons of the past. It’s easy to live with fears and worries. It’s easy to accept my complaints and anger about the past. It’s easy to beat myself up about my past faults and dream of a different life.
Yes, that is clear. If a man can remain in his cell for a hundred years without learning to live in his cell, I may live with my faults for a hundred years without learning to change from my past weaknesses. I may live in pain all my remaining days. I may live in the misery and pain of the past, but I can live with new hope when I learn to change with the Holy Spirit.
The abba said that it is possible to live without changing, but it is possible to live and change. If it were not possible to learn to live differently, the abba would have no need to say what he said. If it were not possible to change with the power of the Holy Spirit, the other abba would have no need to write what he wrote. It is possible to change, although it is difficult.
If you want to change, it is possible. It is possible to change and live with hope if you are a survivor of domestic violence. It is possible to change and repent if you are a perpetrator of domestic violence. It is possible to change or not to change. The abba pointed to a possibility for our lives. We need to choose to change.
En Octubre recordamos el mes de concientización sobre la violencia doméstica. Estoy leyendo y reflexionando sobre ambas mis experiencias y los pensamientos de otra sobre violencia doméstica durante este mes. Esta acción es importante para mi como un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica.
Un libro que estoy leyendo durante el Mes de Concientización sobre la Violencia Doméstica es un libro que leo todo el año. El libro es “Los dichos de los Padres del Desierto”, que fue traducido por Benedicta Ward. En los dichos, Abba Poemen dijo que Abba Ammonas dijo: “Un hombre puede permanecer en su celda durante cien años sin aprender a vivir en su celda.”
¡Es verdad! Cuando pienso en cómo vivo mi experiencia, me pregunto qué aprendo acerca de vivir con los demonios del pasado. Es fácil vivir con miedos y preocupaciones. Es fácil aceptar mis quejas y enojo por el pasado. Es fácil castigarme por mis faltas pasadas y soñar con una vida different.
Sí, eso está claro. Si un hombre puede permanecer en su celda durante cien años sin aprender a vivir en su celda, es posible que yo viva con mis faltas durante cien años sin aprender a cambiar de mis debilidades pasadas. Es posible que yo viva con dolor todos los días que me queden. Puedo vivir en la miseria y el dolor del pasado, pero puedo vivir con una nueva esperanza cuando aprendo a cambiar con el Espíritu Santo.
El abba dijo que es posible vivir sin cambiar, pero es posible vivir y cambiar. Si no fuera posible aprender a vivir de otra manera, el abba no tendría necesidad de decir lo que ha dicho. Si no fuera posible cambiar con el poder del Espíritu Santo, el otro abba no tendría necesidad de escribir lo que ha escrito. Es posible cambiar, aunque es difícil.
Si desea a cambiar, es posible. Es posible a cambiar y vivir con esperanza si un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica. Es posible a cambiar y repentir si un perpretador de violencia doméstica. Es posible a cambiar o no cambiar. El abba puntagaba a una posebilidad para nuestras vidas. Necesitamos a eligir a cambiar.
“Come back to us, Lord! Please, quick! Have some compassion for your servants! Fill us full every morning with your faithful love so we can rejoice and celebrate our whole life long”
Psalm 90:13-14, Common English Bible
In October we remember Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am reading and reflecting on both my experiences and the thoughts of others about domestic violence during this month. This action is important to me as a survivor of domestic violence.
The above scripture is from the Revised Common Lectionary for next Sunday. Sometimes I disagree with the thoughts of this psalm. The psalmist had hope that bad things would be answered with the Lord’s compassion in this life. It is possible and I have hope in the Lord, but often the torments of the survivors are being met with silence.
I don’t agree with the words of the psalm but I think I’m wrong. We need hope and great love from the Lord because we have a world that doesn’t always hold wrongdoers accountable.
I don’t like it but I need to have flexibility. If I don’t have flexibility, I’ll probably die miserable and sad. I want to live and not allow my fears and anger to choose my path. I need to let go and let God fill me with better things.
¿Cuándo, SEÑOR te volverás hacia nosotros? ¡Compadécete ya de tus siervos! Sácianos de tu gran amor por la mañana, y toda nuestra vida cantaremos de alegria.”
Salmo 90:13014, Nueva Versión Internacional
En Octubre recordamos el mes de concientización sobre la violencia doméstica. Estoy leyendo y reflexionando sobre ambas mis experiencias y los pensamientos de otra sobre violencia doméstica durante este mes. Esta acción es importante para mi como un sobreviviente de violencia doméstica.
La escritura de arriba es del Leccionario Común Revisado para el próximo domingo. A veces no estoy de acuerdo con los pensamientos de este salmo. La salmista tuvo esperanza de que las malas cosas serían respondidas con la compasión del Señor en esta vida. Es posible y tengo esperanza en el Señor, pero a menudo los tormentos de los sobrevivientes se están encontrando con silencio.
No estoy de acuerdo con las palabras del salmo pero pienso que estoy equivocado. Necesitamos esperanza y gran amor del Señor porque tenemos un mundo que no siempre responsbiliza a los malhechores. No me gusta pero necesito tener flexibilidada. Si no tengo flexibilidad, probablemente moriré miserable y triste. Quiero vivir y no permitir mis miedos y furiosos a elegir mi camino. Debo soltar y dejar que Dios me llene de cosas mejores.
Today I found myself driving down the road towards my home when a song started playing from deep within “My Likes” in YouTube Music. Years ago I was obsessed for a time with the movie Brave. I watched it with my kids, listened to the music as I drove around with them, and acted generally as a fanboy for team Merida. Even when Anna and Elsa came on the scene, I looked down my nose at them. I had found my favorite Disney Princess and she was a raucously independent archer who had all of the confidence and self-assurance that I wished for my children.
So today, the song “Touch the Sky” began to play and I listened to the lyrics.
When the cold wind is a-calling And the sky is clear and bright Misty mountains sing and beckon Lead me out into the light
I will ride, I will fly Chase the wind and touch the sky I will fly Chase the wind and touch the sky
Where dark woods hide secret And mountains are fierce and bold Deep waters hold reflections Of times lost long ago I will hear their every story Take hold of my own dream Be as strong as the seas are stormy And proud as an eagle’s scream
The last few days I have been feeling very strange. This week I will learn if the court is going to help me see my kids before the year ends. I haven’t had the visitation the court set in place since July and I don’t have a ton of hope that suddenly the court will start to care, so I have been down in the dumps. Tack on the amount I have been working and the reality behind why I don’t feel safe conversing with my former partner even over kid issues (see any of the posts about Domestic Violence from October and they’ll paint a picture in broad strokes even if they never describe things in detail (on purpose)) and I have been really really reallydown in the dumps.
I have been trying desperately to get a hold of my feelings and my emotions to get them in check before any further bad news pushes me down further. I have been trying to understand what’s happening within as something kept feeling off.
I found myself crying as I drove in the car today because I had a moment and finally understood what was happening. Why haven’t I been hitting the punching bag as aggressively and why have I been taking more pictures of nature? Why did I choose to take my camera on my long walk today and why did I spend most of it texting another father in my fatherhood support group? Why?
As I had been walking earlier an angry song came on my phone and I reached within to connect with what has felt like an endless pit of anger for over a year. When everything else was lost, I could dip into that pit to find fuel to walk another mile, punch the bag for one more set, or even to just stew while driving. It has been so constant and a companion for many miles as I have walked. That deep sense of grief, anger, and sadness has been there for the 1,915 miles that I have walked this year (according to Fitbit). The anger has been as constant as hunger, thirst, and soreness as I have walked on and on.
I had reached in and nothing was there. The bucket hit the bottom and I had been worried that I was broken. What does it mean when you reach in to find the angry part of yourself and find nothing is there? Does it mean that you’re doomed to be unfeeling and lost?
I started crying as the words to the song to Brave came on because I recognized something in them: “When the cold wind is a-calling and the sky is clear and bright, misty mountains sing and beckon: lead me out into the light.” Do you know that there’s a growth on a tree on the Catharine Valley Trail that looks like a snail?
There’s also a ton of damage to the ash trees, likely from a combination of ash borers and woodpeckers. The sight is truly tragic, but also beautiful when you are walking around the woods and suddenly bleach white branches pop out of the woods that are so brown!
Do you know that there are green things that are neither evergreen nor willing to turn brown? Do you know that there are these weird bamboo looking things popping out of the ground in the middle of December? Do you know that the moon is almost full and it can look like fingers of bare branches are reaching into the sky to caress the moon as it rises? Do you know how amazing things are out there in the woods today on the edge of winter? Even as the sun continues to fade for a few more days, do you know how beautiful things are our there?
I cried because I reached down within me to find anger and only found the bottom of a well that hasn’t been empty for a while. I cried because I realized that I understood the lyrics to that song at last. In the midst of the cold wind, I heard the beckoning call to open my eyes and see what God had created. Legs that have walked miles have grown strong enough, skin that has known sun and darkness is thick enough, and even my own sense of fortitude has grown elastic enough that I can take time, even in grief, and see beautifully amazing things.
The song has a second verse that goes ” Where dark woods hide secret and mountains are fierce and bold, deep waters hold reflections of times lost long ago. I will hear their every story: take hold of my own dream. Be as strong as the seas are stormy and proud as an eagle’s scream.”
I’m filled with grief and sorrow, but there’s another part of me that has grown as strong as the seas are stormy. I’m frustrated I need the court’s help to even see my children, but I know what it means to walk miles and see the beauty in the depths of the woods with the endurance to decide that 6 miles into a hike is exactly the time to go wandering down a hill to get a closer look at that bleached white tree down the hill.
Even now, I want to cry because there actually is pride in the person I am becoming. I reached down for anger and found nothing, but I opened my ears and heard a reminder that I am becoming the person I once dreamed of being. Mile by mile, step by step, I am being reforged into someone that my children and I can look upon with joy and pride. I don’t have to be sorrowful today, for I am becoming exactly the kind of person I would have been proud to be when I was young.
This isn’t the road I would have chosen, but it is the road I have, and I am walking it well.
“Grateful for God’s forgiving love, in which we live and by which we are judged, and affirming our belief in the inestimable worth of each individual, we renew our commitment to become faithful witnesses to the gospel, not alone to the ends of earth, but also to the depths of our common life and work.”
“Preamble to the Social Principles,” The Book of Resolutions of The United Methodist Church 2016.
What are the Social Principles of the United Methodist Church? Earlier in the preamble to the Social Principles within the Book of Resolutions, the Social Principles self-identify themselves as existing outside of church law. The principles “are a prayerful and thoughtful effort on the part of the General Conference to speak to the human issues in the contemporary world from a sound biblical and theological foundation as historically demonstrated in United Methodist traditions.”
The Social Principles are neither binding by church law nor restrictive of church member behavior. They are a work born of prophetic zeal and idealism which in the end hopefully points us towards a more holistic understanding of the world around us.
Why am I bringing this up during Domestic Violence Awareness month? I would point out at least two things about the paragraph that I originally quoted.
First, the Social Principles point towards the value of each individual. Yesterday my post pointed out that there should be a place for redemption in the church. Today I wanted to point out that even when redemption takes place, the redemption of another person’s life does not diminish the importance of wholeness and healing in the life of the victims of domestic violence.
Each person has inestimable worth and part of our common work is to affirm that value in the lives of people who have been demeaned, denigrated, or diminished through the sinful actions of others. Victims of Domestic Violence can feel broken, worthless, or even worth less than others. The lives of people who have gone through this experience are valuable and they are worthy of both God’s love and a loving place in God’s community.
Second, I want to point out that this paragraph points out that we both live within the forgiving love of God and are subject to judgment through and by that love. I’m generally not a hellfire and damnation preacher, but I do not deny that judgment will one day come for us all. I believe that God is far more gracious and kind than us, and I also believe wholeheartedly that God’s loving kindness sees and counts every tear and wound inflicted through our broken behavior and actions.
As a survivor of Domestic Violence myself, there are times when I honestly do not want to be forgiving. In those moments, there are times when I can only move forward by handing my pain over to my loving God. I can let go of a deathgrip on my anger, pain, and hurt because I understand that in time God will take care of things.
I don’t need to be vengeful for any vengeance necessary is in the hands of a God who is both kinder and better equipped to bring judgment without cruelty. I don’t need to carry anger around in my heart, for the pain which would fuel my anger doesn’t need to rest within me. I can let God care for the situation and move forward with life.
Judgment may come, but I don’t need to be the judge. Retribution may come, but I don’t need to be dealing it out. I don’t have to do a thing to harm the people who harmed me, for God will care for those who have done wrong. I am a person of inestimable value and I don’t need to cheapen my value by carrying around worthless and harmful things like rage, anger, and hatred. God has those things, so I can move forward with life without worrying about them every day.
If you have been through such pain, I invite you to consider that God both loves you and will one day deal with the sinfulness of the world. There can be healing and there can be wholeness even after everything that both you and I have gone through. It is not easy to hand over such things to God, but I invite you to consider what life might be like without carrying the baggage of pain, anger, and hatred with you everywhere you go.
October has been Domestic Violence Awareness month since it was first introduced by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence in 1981. Regardless of the month, domestic violence is never okay, no matter the circumstances. If you or someone you know is in desperate need of help, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
The word for the day for the #RethinkChurch Photo-A-Day challenge is “test.” Being myself, I can’t leave well enough alone, so here’s a haiga! This photo describes life with a furnace you don’t own, can’t replace, and just want to go all “A Christmas Story” on but can’t because the kids are home and you’re a pastor.
I call you to fast. You give up Facebook to me. I want your anger.
Distracted Pastor Ramblings 